Siblings of Foster Care
By Brittany Luther, M.Ed., CCLS“How long are they going to stay?
Can they stay forever?
Do I have to share all of my toys?
You are MY mom and MY dad, and I don’t want to share you.
Am I the only one who feels both happy and frustrated at the same time?
Why did she have to leave her house?
Why doesn’t he like any of the food that we like?
She wakes me up at night. Can she sleep in another room?
I love that he shares my bunk beds. I don’t want him to go.”
“Welcome to our Siblings of Foster Care group! Can anyone share with me what Foster Village is? What does it mean?”
Foster Village is…
Love. Caring. Friendship. Helping others. Home. A Village of people going through the same thing that we are!
The world of foster care is a puzzle. There are many moving parts and pieces; some are expected, and others are not. One part of the puzzle that has been historically understudied is the children living in the home when children experiencing foster care are coming and going. There is little research about the impacts on this particular segment of children in the home. We know that support for the family unit is essential; the specific support for the “forever children” in the homes is an area that has been overlooked in the past.
This group of children has been a focus of Foster Village Charlotte since 2020. As a Certified Child Life Specialist in the hospital setting for over 18 years, I have supported children experiencing foster care in the acute and long-term medical setting. This support has varied from procedural preparation and support in the Emergency Department to longer-term support on inpatient units while awaiting placement. When placed in a home, children constantly ask, “Are there going to be other kids?” Some wait with anticipation, and some wait with concern.
The “other kids” referenced are the Siblings of Foster Care that we at Foster Village Charlotte have identified as a group needing support, coping skills education, and peer connection. In the statements and questions above, you can clearly see many “big feelings” associated with children coming and going into the home. There is excitement, grief, frustration, joy, sadness, and even jealousy.
The Siblings of Foster Care group addresses all of these. Each group is designed carefully, utilizing Bibiotherapy to connect children's literature to the discussion, activities, and takeaways. Children learn best with a multi-sensory approach, so each group is designed with movement, sensory exploration, feeling connections, creative outlets, and community building.
As an example of our time and work together, in a recent group, we read the book, “My Little Gifts: A Book of Sharing” by Jo Witek. This book talks about physical and non-tangible gifts that we have and can share with one another, like special talents and time. Each participant had BEAUTIFUL stories to share with the group about their family and their gifts. It is vital that they feel seen, validated, and heard in all stages of childhood, especially when family dynamics may be shifting or changing at times. Foster Village embodies the importance of these “gifts” in many ways, from Welcome Packs and Meals for newly placed children experiencing foster care to support groups and workshops for parents on various topics.
To begin our project, each child chose a color, and we painted their hand. The painting started with a handprint in the middle. Next, we took a foam hand cut out, brainstormed about their gifts, and “took notes” on these to inspire their art creation. Next, their canvas was theirs to create; let their creativity shine! They could “shop” in the carefully selected felt people with all different shapes and sizes and skin colors, hearts, puffballs, rubber eraser hearts, string, stickers, and NEW paint! We paused and took a moment of thanks for the beautiful “gifts” of supplies bestowed upon us at Foster Village and the gift of support we can all provide one another. As you see from the canvases, they are all different, they are all unique, and in some way, they all show those beautiful gifts that these children share with their families and with the world.
As you read these stories and connections, you may think, Wow! I have never thought about the impacts on this particular group of children and the support they need. You may have children experiencing foster care in your home, or you may not. As we remind every family that walks through the doors of Foster Village Charlotte, every family is unique and special. There are also ways that EVERY family can support Foster Village.
One of the ways that my own family chooses to support Foster Village Charlotte each year is with our Lemonade Stand. Our children at the ages of 8, 10, and 12 look forward to Our Annual Lemonade stand for Foster Village Charlotte each year. They plan the day and time, the pricing, the signage, assign roles and helpers, and the grown-ups are simply there as “backup!” It is a favorite Summer pastime that they look forward to with great excitement. This year, our 2 and 5-year-old neighbors will join our planning and implementation team, and as always, we plan to “match” their lemonade donation just as employers will match donations! As you move through summer 2024, I leave you with a heart tug that hopefully turns into an action. How will you be a part of this remarkable Village? Will your contribution be time spent volunteering for a sibling group? Will you cook a meal to fill the freezer at the Hub for families that have a child joining them in their home? Will you help to make welcome packs for families welcoming children to their homes? Will you host a lemonade stand? Will you buy a glass of lemonade, or perhaps two? Whatever it may be, we are thankful. Thankful that you are here, that you are part of a Village of support, love, care, and connection.
To villaging well,
Brittany
