Parenting in a New Generation: How Grandparents are Showing Up

By Becky Santoro

For the first ten years of living in Charlotte, I was on a street sandwiched between three homes, all of which were grandparents as the primary caregivers for their grandchildren. They each had three unique stories and situations, yet the common thread between them was their fierce love for their adult children and their desire to provide consistency during a season of their lives. 

I had a front-row seat, watching them navigate a new generation. It was a time that involved adjusting to the latest technology and sometimes struggling with the blurry lines of parenting autonomy and family dynamics. I remember many late-night conversations on porches, listening to stories. As a teacher during this time, I filled in some details of new curriculum standards and education requirements as best I could. Still, the truth was (and still is) parenting a new generation demands a wrestling of new ideas, routines, and considerations that may not have been needed during their first time around as parents, not to mention the financial pressures and knowledge of available resources during a life stage that requires attunement into your unique challenges with aging. There were many moments of tears, frustration, pride, confusion, isolation, and joy for my neighbors. 

What I didn’t know then that I understand now is that more than 2.5 million children across the U.S. are raised by grandparents, according to data from the Annie E. Casey Foundation. 

Kinship Care

Kinship Caregiver, Aunt

A subgroup within this statistic is those caring for grandchildren who have been placed into the foster care system. It’s something that had not occurred to me until I became a foster parent. Here at Foster Village Charlotte, we refer to this subgroup as kinship families. Although we see aunts, uncles, adult siblings, and cousins fit into this category, most kinship families we serve are grandparents.

Unsurprisingly, research shows that compared to children in non-relative foster care (foster home), children in the care of relatives such as grandparents experience increased stability, achieve permanency, better behavioral and mental health outcomes, more feelings of belonging and acceptance, improved likelihood of living with or staying connected to siblings, and increased preservation of cultural identity and community connections and connections to their families. (image and data source) When you can place a child in a home where they already are known and loved during a very complicated and often chaotic time, the stabilization provided by grandparents can have a profound effect.

The Need to Equip 

Kinship families often need tangible resources when welcoming children into their homes. Through our welcome pack program, Foster Village Charlotte meets these urgent needs with all new items to promote dignity and security so they can say yes quickly, knowing they will have the necessary resources. 

Although we also supply foster parents with these necessities, many kinship families do not have their homes set up for additional children because they didn’t know that a time of crisis in their family was on the horizon. That’s why Foster Village Charlotte ensures they have all the extra essentials, such as cribs, beds, bedding, and access to ongoing tangible resources. 

But there is another vital reason Foster Village Charlotte serves kinship families at a higher level of support: many kinship families do not receive the full stipend that foster parents receive to care for children experiencing foster care until they become fully licensed, which is an arduous process to do while actively caring for children experiencing foster care.

The Need for Reform

The licensing process is not easy to complete, typically a 10-week process and 30 hours of training, not to mention doing so with already having children in your home. There are barriers to getting time off work, securing childcare, and investing that level during an already difficult transition time, thus hindering many kinship families from completing the licensing process. Through our role of supporting families, we've also found that many kinship families want to avoid getting further involved with the government because of the (rightfully so) fears of complex family dynamics and a lack of privacy. The obstacles can be overwhelming, yet kinship families need to access the increased financial support they need as the months go by.

We are grateful to stand in the gap and equip with urgent needs for kinship families. Still, since the beginning, we have joined in the collective energy and efforts to advocate for more funding from the state so kinship families have access to the resources they need right from the start. 

Necessary Steps Forward

In September 2023, the U.S. federal government released a new rule addressing this funding gap faced by kinship caregivers of children in the foster system, allowing states to adjust foster care licensing standards with kin-specific guidelines. This change will enable more children to be cared for by those they know, love, and financially support, like children with foster parents. The following month, we saw North Carolina jump into action within SB20, which provided half the stipend to kinship caregivers beginning December 2023. We hope the rollout and process are seeing much-needed resources get to those who most need it. You can read more about this here.

The Need to Listen & Be Heard

In addition to increased financial support, kinship families need support navigating the foster care system and processing the experience with those living through it and from those outside the child welfare team. Because their experience with foster care is intertwined with family dynamics, we found the need to walk alongside our kinship families differently in 2024 by adding a staff member, Akeliah Hamilton-Stewart, who is dedicated to providing ongoing individual and group support. 

Program Highlight: Kela’s Kinship Corner

Akeliah shares, “One of the new initiatives launching in 2024 is gathering kinship caregivers for coffee and tea to build relationships and community while simultaneously discussing life (as it is happening) and having different topics to discuss at each meeting. The goal is to provide support and community within this so grandparents, aunts, uncles, adults, siblings, and cousins raising their relatives in foster care can feel validated, encouraged, and empowered. One of the core pillars of Foster Village Charlotte is Connection, and creating spaces designed around peer-driven and professional support is how we bring people together.”

Kela’s Kinship Corner

Kinship Support

If you are a kinship caregiver navigating the foster care system, we’re here to help, and we hope to hear from you soon.

Our kinship program, Partners in Permanency,  is partly supported by the Charlie’s Heart Foundation and the Merancas Foundation. We are incredibly grateful for these two trusted partners who care deeply about families staying together and reducing trauma and stress during a child’s time in foster care.